WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK
A couple of weeks ago, I asked the question ‘What is holding you back from doing what you want?’. And here are the 3 common answers: Fear, Self-Doubt and Not seeing results.
I am 100% in agreement with those answers. I too had those feelings & thoughts. So how do we overcome these and start going after what we want?
First, let's identify if this is something that you really want to do.
By doing nothing, you'll stay where you are right now. Are you ok with being exactly where you are? There is no shame in staying exactly where you are, it shows confidence in what you want and what you are comfortable with. Some might say ‘But I should be doing this because I’m at this stage of my life where everyone around me are doing it.’. I know it is hard to not look at what others are doing and compare them to yourself. But comparing clouds your own values, wants and needs. Ask yourself ‘Why do you want to do this?' If the answer is not coming from within, then you’re being influenced by outside factors, and that is why you are not moving forward or not feeling motivated. This is where you have to decide if you want to continue to follow through with this goal. If you do, be prepared to put in extra time and effort because your motivation is not as strong as the person you are comparing yourself to.
By doing nothing, you'll stay where you are right now. Are you ok with being exactly where you are? There is no shame in staying exactly where you are, it shows confidence in what you want and what you are comfortable with. Some might say ‘But I should be doing this because I’m at this stage of my life where everyone around me are doing it.’. I know it is hard to not look at what others are doing and compare them to yourself. But comparing clouds your own values, wants and needs. Ask yourself ‘Why do you want to do this?' If the answer is not coming from within, then you’re being influenced by outside factors, and that is why you are not moving forward or not feeling motivated. This is where you have to decide if you want to continue to follow through with this goal. If you do, be prepared to put in extra time and effort because your motivation is not as strong as the person you are comparing yourself to.
If you know you really want to do this, Fear, Self-Doubt and Not seeing results can paralyze you. Overcoming these will take some adjusting through your thought process.
Whether you want to finish a course, switch career, find a new job or simply stop working and retire, there is an end goal in mind. Sometimes we are too focused on the end result and not realizing there are many steps and achievements along the way. We live in a world of instant access and gratification. We’ve adapted to this way of living and we forget sometimes it takes time to achieve what we want. We need to set up milestones so we can see what we have accomplished so far and assess the progress and adjust if needed. Once you’ve achieve a milestone, celebrate!
For example, you want to switch career but you’re also going into a field where you have no experience in. Of course you’ll think ‘Maybe I should forget about this and do something else.’ when 3 months have passed and you still haven’t found a new job in the field you want. If you set up milestones for each week/month, you’re going to see progress. Be very specific with what you need to do to achieve your milestones and give specific timelines. When setting up the milestones, make sure they are within your control. Getting a job offer in 2 months is not something within your control. Applying to 10 jobs a week is something you can control.
And what if you set out to apply for 10 jobs a week but you cannot find 10 jobs to apply to? Is that a failure? No! There are going to be weeks where you will find more than 10 jobs to apply. Does that mean you stop at 10? Of course not, you keep applying. So there will be weeks where there might be less jobs to apply to. It’s all about recognizing the efforts you’re putting in that will move you to the right direction. And when you finally get an interview, celebrate! Even if you don’t get the job. Celebrate that you got an interview. Celebrate you did well in the interview. Celebrate that you didn’t do well but learned what you need to do better next time.
Remember, if it is worth having, put in the effort. Some things might be easier than others. Remember, not doing anything means you will stay where you are.
QUESTION: Think of a time you were discouraged but stuck through it and finally saw results and got what you wanted. What did you do to make yourself stick to it and saw it through?
Self-Doubt is a huge one. I truly believe all of these blocks (Fear, Self-Doubt and not seeing results) go hand-in-hand. Once you don’t see results, you'll start having self-doubt and then fear. It might not be in that order, but they are definitely intertwined.
There are many reasons why self-doubt creeps in. One of them is you’re outside of your comfort zone. And for some people, change is not comfortable. When you question your own ability and then stop moving forward because you don’t think you can do it…you’re self sabotaging.
1. How do you know you can’t do it until you actually try?
2. There will always be someone more qualify than you. But you are an unique individual and you possess experiences and personal traits others don’t have. It is the uniqueness that sets you apart. If everyone says I’m not as good as the other person then there will only be one dog walker, one marketing professional, one builder, one engineer. You get the idea.
2. There will always be someone more qualify than you. But you are an unique individual and you possess experiences and personal traits others don’t have. It is the uniqueness that sets you apart. If everyone says I’m not as good as the other person then there will only be one dog walker, one marketing professional, one builder, one engineer. You get the idea.
3. Even if you tried and failed, it is not the end or an actual fail. The fail is redirecting you to a different direction. It is teaching you what you need to do next (or what not to do again).
Take the risk. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Thinking too much about your ability and wasting your energy thinking you can’t instead of trying to make it into a success will keep you from doing what you want. You’ll be so focus on the doubt and miss all the opportunities and solutions that is right in front of you.
EXERCISE:
One thing I ask my clients to do is to ask at least 3 people that you’ve worked with and describe you. And ask them to give you at least 3 descriptive words. Do the same with people you haven’t worked with (friends and family). You will be surprised the information that flows out of them. The amount of positives they’ll give you will warm your heart. The cynics will say ‘But they have to say nice things. They are not going to say bad things about you in your face.’. My answer is, they don’t have to say anything if they don’t feel like they have anything to contribute. They can simply ignore your request. Or say they’ll do it and ghost you. They can say the minimum like ‘you smell nice…’. So no, they don’t have to say nice things about you, they want to.
Once you get all the feedback, keep them somewhere easily accessible. Whenever you start doubting yourself, look at the list and know that you are capable to handle the unknown. We all need a little reminder of our abilities sometimes and this is a quick and easy way to get that boost.
Fear is our protection. It protects us from danger. Someone running in your direction with a knife in hand, FEAR! DANGER! However, a lot of times we subconsciously let our fears direct our decisions. During a transition, there are lots of what ifs - What if I fail? What if I wasted my time? What if I don’t like it? The list goes on. But these are the unknowns. There are no answers to these what ifs. Or are there….? Let’s look at fear in the worst-case scenario.
2. What will the worse-case scenerio look like? Eg. I'll use up all my savings for this failed business venture and I don’t have an income to support myself.
3. What will you do as a solution if that happens? Eg. Sell all my assets and move in with friends/parents etc. Find a job in a field I used to work in or find any job I can get my hands on and rebuild my finances.
4. Can you live with that solution? If YES, then let’s go! If NO, reassess. Eg, maybe I won’t let things get to the point where I have $0 in savings to pull the plug.
1. Identify your fear. Eg. What if you did fail? Fear of failure.
2. What will the worse-case scenerio look like? Eg. I'll use up all my savings for this failed business venture and I don’t have an income to support myself.
3. What will you do as a solution if that happens? Eg. Sell all my assets and move in with friends/parents etc. Find a job in a field I used to work in or find any job I can get my hands on and rebuild my finances.
4. Can you live with that solution? If YES, then let’s go! If NO, reassess. Eg, maybe I won’t let things get to the point where I have $0 in savings to pull the plug.
With all these what ifs, they are all looking at something not working out. Let’s change the narrative to what if you succeed? What does that look like to you? How will you feel about it? Paint a detail picture of what success looks like. In 6 months time, if you let your fear stand in your way, will you regret not following through with it knowing what your success could look like?
You’ve come and read this far, share with me how are you feeling about the block that is holding you back from doing what you want?
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